The Loss of a Sibling as an Adult

It is beyond the comprehension of the lack of help available to those who have lost a sibling. It is beyond the understanding of many as to the impact of the death of a sibling on other siblings, even more so if you are an adult. There is no true grasp of what the feelings are that they carry within them.

Instead, there is the comparison of grief. Who is more grieved than you are? Because the son of the deceased, or the wife of the deceased or the daughter of the deceased, is more grieved than you who were on the “sidelines” of the life of the person. For many, it may appear that the surviving sibling or siblings were on the sideline, especially if the person, who passed on, had his or her own life to live.

Unfortunately, you can never be on the sideline, if you are genetically connected to someone. However, many years pass by since the day of the death of a sibling, and you find that all and sundry have moved on with their lives. Siblings are left with an experience that cannot be washed away. This is, therefore, an attempt to give others some insight into the experiences of sibling loss.

The Experiences of Siblings after the Death of a Brother or a Sister

Here are some points that might be of help to those who have a friend or even a relative who has lost a sibling, taken from the experience. In other words, you can do simple things to make the person deal with such a loss in a way that could bring comfort.

Here are just some insights:

1. The funeral is an important aspect. Do not leave them out of the planning and the decisions.

   1. The sibling or siblings need to be a part of the funeral arrangements. This is part of the process of dealing with the death, and the beginning of the closure you seek.

   2. They are to be a part of the decisions even if it is only to be part of the discussions around where, when, and where the person would be buried. This will give them the opportunity to be a part of the person’s journey to the grave and their journey to healing.

   3. Include things that they remember about the brother or the sister who passed on. Remember that they too have deep-seated memories of the person, even if they have not been together in adulthood.

2. Condolences are often not imparted to siblings, as they are not counted as part of the nucleus around the death.

   1. What this means is that many people grade the importance of people connected to the deceased.

   2. It may sound weird, but it often becomes a competition as to who should receive more, and even deeper felt condolences. Siblings are often last on the list.

   3. It is therefore important to acknowledge the pain and suffering of the sibling or siblings. The deceased was a large part of their lives too.

The Grieving of a Sibling

Many siblings do not have any idea of how to deal with the loss of a brother or a sister, and there is very little help for sibling grief. There is a lot of confusion for siblings in that there is no answer as to why a brother or a sister, who should still be around, has passed on. There is the dilemma of a missing piece of a puzzle. For example, if you are a middle child, you always had the one older and the one younger in your consciousness. If any one of the two passes on, there is an indelible gap. It is this permanent, gaping hole that causes further and longer grief.

The medical fraternity sees it as just another death and therefore treats the surviving sibling in the same way as any other grief counseling session. They offer assistance that is completely out of touch with what a sibling experiences in reality. This lack of assistance and support often leads to the fact that many years along the way, there is a sudden onslaught of inconsolable pain and grief that cannot be fathomed.

The tragedy remains – nothing has changed with regard to finding the level of help and counseling to bring about the necessary closure. The hope is that this little bit of random information would bring about the much-needed help siblings need in their grieving of a brother or a sister.

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